It's hard to be a woman in America. It's like every day is a million little paper cuts, then just when you've gotten used to them, someone comes along with a chef's knife and goes to town. Days like today... they're the chef's knife. I don't know why this particular one has hit me so hard, but at one point Brett had to turn the news off, because I was crying hysterically and shouting at the TV.
I've always had a penchant for melodrama, but I think about situations like this a lot. I do this, because I'm a clinic escort at a clinic here in Los Angeles County. I'm also in the IT security industry, and my mind has a tendency to assess any situation, digital or not, for vulnerabilities. There's a lot to assess when I think about the clinic I escort at. I worry about the safety of the women I'm escorting, I worry about their support people, and I worry about the people I escort with.
It hurts that I have to worry about that. It feels personal. Fuck that. It is personal. I shouldn't have to even be there. Antis frequently ask me why I would get up early on a Sunday morning to do what I do. Usually they're insinuating that I'm getting paid. I'm not. I'm there, because they're there. I'm there because I believe that women have the right to self-determination. I'm there because I believe that women have the right to feel safe. When anyone tries to take that safety away it is personal. I feel it, like a kick in the gut.
This, what happened today, is terrorism.
It is designed in part to make women seeking abortions, and everyone involved in the process of providing them, feel like clinics are not a safe place to be. It is designed to make us feel afraid.
But here's the thing that these terrorists need to understand: You will never stop women from having abortions. We are too determined to be the masters of our own futures. You will never stop people from providing abortions. There are far too many doctors, nurses and clinic staff who do this work in spite of you, not in fear of you. You will never stop clinic escorts from being there to make women feel safe on the way into the clinic. We are there because you are there, and this won't change that.
You can commit acts of terrorism, but you won't scare us away. We won't let you.